Something I would tell my 13 year old self

Honestly not being able to put my words down on paper as easily as I used to is pretty shit (yes you cuss now), but I guess that's how it is. So if you don't get your self together and crawl out of that pitiful hole of self remorse, you're going to end up regretting not doing so many things. Stop being a flake and actually go out with your friends, your real friends (i'll address why I said this in the next paragraph). And please for God's sake, actually scratch that you're agnostic (oops). Please for YOUR sake you are THIRTEEN act like one, you don't need to grow up so fast, don't be so worried with how you look and how much you weigh, you'll have enough time for that in the future. Trust me, I know. 

But first of all forget those A-holes you've surrounded yourself with because 1. They don't give a damn about you so you shouldn't be out there overly caring about their feelings, and 2. They've turned you into something you're not, no you don't need a boyfriend and no you're not lesser than them. And you're actually pretty smart, like no joke, you have good grades and run a blog and love reading and you've passed a test that even many adults cant pass with flying colours. You've done things that you never thought you had the guts to do.

A word of advice though, the next 5 years of your life is going to be the hardest shit you will ever go through. Now, I don't want to spoil it too much because pain is pain no matter what, but you will go through so much self doubt and confusion and you'll find the greatest happiness you've ever felt  and  pain so hurtful it stays with you for years. But the best thing to look forward to are the people you're going to meet, they'll change you; your world. And then you'll leave them. For good, for all you know. Pft that shit could destroy you, and you know what? It almost did; but you'll get through it, you always do. 

So don't worry, your life ain't perfect, it's actually far from it. But it's not so bad. You're in a bad place right now, and it wont get better or worse, or actually more accurately speaking it will get better and then it'll get worse. It's a  rollercoaster through hell man, so have fun while it lasts.

Sincerely, 

You from 2019